I am new to this blogging thing and since I have started I have been reading a lot of other people's blogs. The most prevalent thing is that they all sound so perfect. They all eat all the right things, they all have wonderful marriages, they all have perfect children that sleep all night without rocking, they all stay on schedule, they all have beautiful blog pages with all this added stuff, and they all kind of depress me. Sometimes when I am having a really bad day, I don't want to hear how perfect they all are, I want to know that someone else is going through the same challenges that I am. Life is messy!! Here is glimpse into mine!
I live in the real world. I don't always make the right decisions for my kids. I spend too much money on groceries. I yell too much. I spend too much time on the computer. I am not always respectful of my husband and I know that I am not grateful enough. My kids are wonderful blessings that act like animals at times. We work at eating healthy and do a lot better than we use to, but sometimes we just want ice cream with lots of chocolate. My kids are older so they do sleep through the night, but I loved rocking my children. So what if they didn't sleep through the night all the time, I had these wonderful moments with them, just me and the baby rocking in a quiet room while I hummed or prayed over them. It was for a short time, and yes I was sleep deprived, but I am still here and kicking. As for a schedule, I realize that it takes discipline and I am lacking in that area. That is one thing I am going to work on. I can't really figure how to use the blog page very well, which makes me feel like my brain cells are dying off faster than I thought. I don't color my hair and so the gray is taking over. The laundry never seems to be done. There are always a few dishes or sometimes a lot of dishes that need to be done. My room is the catch all and never seems to stay clean very long. The 2nd most heard statement around here is, "just put it in my room." The 1st most heard statement in our house is actually a name, "Joshua Larry." This name is heard echoing throughout our house many times a day, as my 7yr. old terrorizes the house.
We were the perfect parents and then when I became the mother to 5 instead of 1. I discovered that my oldest was the one almost perfect and I was barely treading water when it came to parenting. My kids struggle in different areas in school. They are always respectful, thankfully, but not always obedient. They can't remember from one room to the next what I sent them for. They mumble and then wonder why I ask again. They mumble and then are frustrated when I didn't realize they were out of toilet paper. The youngest is frustrated that he is not as old as the others and therefore is always mad that he can't do what they do.
My husband is tired in the evenings and doesn't want to do anything. I don't get poems or bunches of flowers from him. He barely says hello at times. He yells at the kids and then regrets it. He is the fire chief at our local volunteer fire department and so he jumps up from the table quite regularly and runs out the door. We are getting ready to leave and he has to go help granny up off the floor. Some moron decided life was not worth living and took a handful of pills knowing someone would find him before he actually died. Or some complete idiot pours peroxide in his eyes for an infection trying to save money. He never helps with the finances and wouldn't know how to cook a meal to save our kids lives.
Then there is the other side of my life. I work really hard for hours on end to put up food for the winter. I choose to homeschool because I love my kids more than any possession I might could afford if I worked. I absolutely adore my husband of 22 yrs. I treat my parents with love and respect. I am working hard to change the other areas of my life that are a mess. I have the most wonderful husband anywhere. He is loving, caring and thinks that I am the best wife in the world. He never goes one day without telling me that I am beautiful and must tell me 20 times a day that he loves me. He is a hard worker and never misses a day of work no matter how sick or injured he is. We have many projects here at home that even after working long hot or cold hours as a logger, he manages to finish. He eventually finds time to play games, or go swimming, or build an engine, or fix a 4-wheeler with our kids. I am so proud of the person that he is in our community. He risks his life to save people from a burning home. He gets up at two in the morning to go and comfort a lady whose husband just shot himself. He leaves his hot meal to go and help someones grandfather get back in his wheelchair. He misses the family outing to help find someones disabled child. He provides a living so that I can stay at home and home school our children. He encourages me to look for ways to save money so that we might take a little trip.
I have the most precious blessings ever. My children have a sincere desire to serve Yahweh and others. They look for ways to help me around the house and make me so proud with their serving in front of others. They are respectful and never back talk. I have 3 teenagers still in the house and I do not face any of the junk that others face. They go to bed on their own and sleep through the night. They keep their own rooms done, sort of. They do all the bathroom cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, sweeping and mopping, wash the car, mow the grass, clean the pool, pick the garden, water the horses, feed the dogs, and even give moma a foot rub. They all give the best hugs and kisses. I married off my daughter last Oct. and the witness that she and her husband set before others is amazing. They each kept themselves pure and innocent for one another and married righteous before Yahweh. They presented me with the most adorable grandson on July 29th.
So my room is still not straight most of the time. The dishes are not always done. The laundry is not always caught up, except it is today, thanks to Kim my second oldest. My husband might spend the entire evening on the couch snoring, but that is o.k. I get to stay home with my babies and his snoring is an easy price to pay. My kids will probably still have to be told the same thing over and over, but at least I have them here to tell. I don't really get offended when people I don't know comment that I have my hands full, because at times I really do. There are times when I think back to that woman that only had one child who read books on end and prepared these small meals, with a sigh. Then I realize how empty her life would be now that her daughter is married and has a life of her own. I do not always respond with the most loving voice and I make more mistakes than I would care to admit. But the reality is that we are all that person at times and I am working to become the wife and mother Yahweh would have me to be.
We can all look around and see our world from different perspectives. I am not the petite, beautiful and perfect blogger than most of them seem to be. I don't always have it all together. My kids don't always look perfect in every picture. My husband is not the most thoughtful and loving person, all the time. What we are is a family that is doing the best that we can. We are making it. We love with all that we have. Family is still the most important physical thing that matters in this world. We are learning more and more about how to do things in our life better. We are keeping our eyes on Yahweh and knowing that He is the goal of our life. To keep His Torah, to honor His sabbath and to celebrate His feasts. To live like He would have us to live. To walk like Yeshua walked. To be a pleasing sacrifice to our Creator.
So if your life is not perfect, then you are not alone!!! Change what you can, learn to live with what you can't, serve with all that you have, love with all your heart and keep your eyes on Yahweh!!
Shalom My Chaverim!!!Peace my friends!!